Blog of the Boss is very happy to be posting on its pages contributions from Lebanese writers with a black belt in sarcasm and a high affinity to parodies!
Today we share with you the piece below by our talented friend Clauda Tanios:
Lebanese are the ultimate kings & queens of theories.
With a wide array of topics we are experts on, we defend our point of view to death, often without having a single clue what we’re talking about.
For this same reason, the now eternal struggle between March 8 & March 14 drained people out, to the point that every political debate became a simply pointless infinite loop.
On another hand, the way we fight today over which is better, Apple or Samsung, is even worse than the famous 8 & 14 clash!
The two giant companies are the mothers of the latest iPhone 6 & Galaxy Note 4, respectively, and us being on the trend of owning the latest and the coolest gadget, turned the clash from politics to electronics (it even rhymes!).
The thing is, when a Lebanese owns a device from one of these two smart phone brands, it’s like taking the oath to join a political party – for life:
1- We defend ferociously our can’t-go-wrong Leaders
Whether it’s an iPhone, a Galaxy S or an old Baby Nokia, we defend blindly its releasing company and convince others (and ourselves lol) that our phone is unmistakably the best, the ultimate, the peak of all other choices. Reality is, deep down inside, we secretly question our own decision in owning it and start noticing some serious problems in its operating system.
2- We become THE UNDEBATABLE EXPERTS
Yes, the strategy for the next phone release may be locked in some high security vault or still not even decided by the tech company’s decision makers, but that doesn’t matter, we Lebanese do know their strategy! We sometimes go to the extent of talking about the private life of Tim Cook as if he was our “broza from anoza moza”!
3- You ‘feel’ your party’s success or failure
It’s no surprise that iPhone 6 & iPhone 6 Plus are facing really harsh complaints from users, especially with hilarious memes & popular trends such as #BendGate, #HairGate, #BeardGate… What was weird is that Lebanese really ‘felt’ the pain their iPhone’s in. They sympathized with Apple, and started writing comments, status updates, tweets and blogs about how Apple will survive and that haters are gonna hate! If on the other hand however your mother in law was in trouble, let that bitch die, who cares?
4- Switching sides is the ultimate unforgiveable TREASON!
You’re a serious ‘3amil’ if you switched brand (God forbid)! Your clan will give you evil disappointed looks as soon as they notice the tip of the device you are trying to desperately hide under the table. You may try to explain yourself with cute helpless puppy eyes but that won’t get you off death row. You are voted off the island. Anta El 7Alaka El Ad3af. Allah Ma3ak.
Similarities between Technology and Politics may be endless but the difference is one.
In the smart phones world, the two big players always allow for new versions, new releases, an S3, an S4, an ios 7, 8, 9….In Lebanese politics however, sadly enough, we have one old dysfunctional version of a system being reused and extended for again, and again, and again, and again….
Which tech clan do YOU belong to? Hit us with your answers in the comment box!
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