Ultimate guide to detect expensive restaurants in Lebanon

A breath taking decor, petals on the table, a red candle; this seems like the most beautiful night of your life…

Suddenly, you hear drumrolls in the background, you see a spotlight shine from the sealing, and witness what will transform your evening into a horror movie making its dramatic entrance onto the table: The Bill!

lebanese restaurants expensive bill

But wait…why get yourself in this sticky situation when you can use the below 4 Golden Signs of the Ultimate Guide to Detect Expensive Restaurants in Lebanon!

GOLDEN RULE #1
THE NAME:

From your first step in front of the restaurant you can easily tell if you are about to get ripped off just by examining its name.

Here are the name types to avoid in ascending order of danger:
– French Name : Autrefois, Marmitte, Parisien…
– French Name preceeded by a La or a Le (or if you’re really unlucky an L’ ) : La Cigogne, Le Richelieu, L’Obelix…
– French Person’s Name : Le Jean Claude, Chez Marie Claire…
– Arabic Name preceeded by a La or a Le : La Tanjara, Le Shawbak…

classy lebanese french restos

GOLDEN RULE #2
THE PEOPLE:

The name of the restaurant passed the test? You are not out of the danger zone yet. Next sign is in the People!

Here are the signs, in ascending order of danger:
– All waiters have one hand behind their back, even if carrying 10 platters and 5 glasses. Classy circus material.
– Everyone at the restaurant, including Valet, Waiters and Clients gives you a full head to toe scan with an extra longer examination of your shoes
– People are all whispering in a frequency so low that only dolphins could understand
– One or more clients are reading L’Orient le Jour

snob lebanon beirut restaurant french

GOLDEN RULE #3
THE MENU:

If one item could predict your state of mind for the rest of the month, it would definitely be the Menu!

Here are the Menu alarms in ascending order of danger:
– No french fries and/or a very strict no Ketchup policy
– Every set of ingredients has one ingredient you have NEVER heard of : Gingembre, Ganache,…
– The Menu serves animals that are neither Chicken, Cow nor Fish : Crocodile, Swan, Duck, Horse,…
– Plate names sound less like food and more like poems of La Fontaine : Canard Habillé A La Sauce Mistinguette

lebanon guide to expensive restaurants

GOLDEN RULE #4 THE TABLE:
If all of the above passed or were not revealing enough, ONE GOLDEN RULE tops them all and NEVER goes wrong.

The number of digits on your bill is directly proportional to the number of forks, spoons & knives on the table!

lebanese resto rich expensive

And if, God forbid, you see the below unidentified alien like item on the table….

lebanon beirut restaurants

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18 comments on “Ultimate guide to detect expensive restaurants in Lebanon

  1. Rachel November 13, 2014 8:04 am

    haha hilarious!!

    • theboss November 13, 2014 5:01 pm

      Thanks for the comment Rachel! Happy you enjoyed it

  2. noha November 13, 2014 8:53 am

    hahahah a couple of spelling mistakes aside, quite funny and accurate. except for the spork. KFC have plastic sporks, and a high-end restaurant wouldn’t be caught dead with that contraption.

    • theboss November 13, 2014 5:00 pm

      Noha! Never knew that about KFC!! They just gained major points in my classiness rating. PS: Please do send me the spelling mistakes on twitter, you just unleashed my OCD

      • Nadim November 14, 2014 10:54 am

        Amazing article. Breathtaking is one word! 🙂

  3. Pearlowa November 13, 2014 11:05 am

    As a foodie myself, I run away from these places.
    Enjoying food is not directly correlated to a great food experience. People tend to forget.
    Sometimes the simplest restaurants, create the best dining memories.

    • theboss November 13, 2014 4:59 pm

      They are good on specific occasions I guess. Occasions that are meant to rip you off. Like Valentines Day.

  4. Maria Hage-Boutros Najem November 13, 2014 11:57 am

    This totally cracked me up!! Who are you and why have I not read your blog before?? Thumbs up!

    • theboss November 13, 2014 3:43 pm

      Maria your comment really made my day! This blog is young (and now proud)…but you can stay in touch by liking our fan page 🙂

  5. Tony Hossri November 13, 2014 3:58 pm

    OMG !!!!!!!!!! This article should be read by every lebanese and every tourist coming to Lebanon.
    This is one heck of a funny piece of info which is 100% true especially the one where everyone scans you head to toe.

    • theboss November 13, 2014 4:58 pm

      LoL I hope we do not get a call from the Ministry of Toursim

  6. Anthony G November 13, 2014 10:35 pm

    Hahahahahahaha. Brilliant. Very good article

  7. Ana MinBeirut November 14, 2014 5:26 am

    Brilliant…very funny and true…

  8. SiO November 14, 2014 5:37 am

    Hahaha Great Post

  9. Abed November 14, 2014 12:55 pm

    Hilarious… keep them posts coming.

    Spelling mistake: ceiling, rather than “sealing”

  10. Hala November 15, 2014 8:23 am

    Hilarious!!

  11. Abouljij December 9, 2014 9:08 pm

    “Canard Habillé A La Sauce Mistinguette”
    lol brilliant!

    • theboss December 9, 2014 10:50 pm

      hehee thanks Abouljij hope you enjoy the Canard next time you “pay” them a visit!

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