After ruining sports, public gardens, internet speeds, public elections, rainy days, unicorns, fairytales, and now food, the Lebanese system seems to have vacuumed all the sources of joy out of its People.
Analysts, Journalists and Prediction stars joined forces to answer the question that is daunting everyone’s mind. What’s next?
The answer is one.
One hidden gem, one final frontier, one lonely surviving fort is now facing what is predicted to be an apocalyptic battle for the last ounce of Lebanese happiness: SEX!
Trusted sources have in fact predicted the next scandal to hit our morning newspapers is a big (pun intended) condoms’ scandal.
Food flavored condoms are expected to be officially classified as غير مطابق. Condom flavors such as chicken or beef will occupy news headlines for holding the fatal StripToCockUs virus.
The scandalous news will also hold disastrous effects on major advertising campaigns which will be forced to retract their billboard messages “Condom 3a Knéfé. Shou 7elo!”.
Renown condom brands will have to cancel all their plans and refrain from any attempt of Market Penetration.
Political tension and clashes are also predicted to arise from this new dramatic change in events as March 14 rushes to accuse March 8 of perforating our condoms. March 8 will point in their turn accusing fingers at Israel.
Will these predictions come true in the near future? Well the patterns sure point in that direction; and if they do, we will officially be out of sources of joy, our dear population will be literally screwed and the pregnancy period might last a lot longer than 9 months!
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