Beirut: Archeologists Make Shocking Discovery Under Modernized Downtown

Reporters from around the world are rushing to what seems to be the biggest archeological discovery under the modernized ghostville that is now Downtown Beirut.

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Digging hundreds of meters under the lavish empty appartments and unaffordable high end shopping stores, Lebanese excavators have uncovered a weird body, dead and deformed beyond recognition.

The fragile corpse moved to the advanced labs of the American University of Beirut, was examined by local experts who announced to the media that a radiocarbon test dated the dead artifact to the 80’s or early 90’s.

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A few days later, a press conference was held at the Lebanese Press Club where a team of archeologists and historians took on the microphone to make one shocking announcement.

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“After profound examination and long hours of testing, we have come to a conclusion that the rare corpse unearthed from under the modern Beirut down town was no other than the long disappeared Lebanese middle class!”

To the surprise of everyone, the experts continued exposing other artifacts found in the same burrial site such as a cassette containing oldies french songs, passes to the once famous Beirut tramway as well as a wide array of dead hopes, dreams and aspirations.

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Tickets were soon on sale for all Lebanese to come and admire their dead middle class however the big lower class being too poor to afford it and the small rich upper class being at the Cannes festival caused low turn out at the ticketing box office.

Only students majoring in economics showed up to try and explain to the archeologists themselves how this once thriving middle class, the slice of society which modern nations depend on to prosper, was wiped out by corrupt politicians forcing the educated majority to flee the country or suffer being violently pushed down the prosperity ladder.

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This story didn’t fail in having its own tragic end as the historical artifact mysteriously disappeared from the university labs.

Some eye witnesses leaked information stating that the dead Lebanese middle class was now decorating the living room of a renowned Beiruti politician suspected to be none other than a corrupt Minister named Tare2. Minister Tare2 El Taba2alwosta.

Photo Credit: Executive Magazine and Reorient Mag

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17 comments on “Beirut: Archeologists Make Shocking Discovery Under Modernized Downtown

  1. Ola June 17, 2015 11:03 am

    Love this. Bravo 🙂

  2. Elias June 18, 2015 3:30 am

    Can you be more sarcastic?
    I like the idea you want to deliver.
    However, people are sharing your article without even understanding it…

    • Alex June 18, 2015 11:52 am

      It’s their problem if they don’t want to read 😉

      • Elias June 18, 2015 11:55 am

        It’s not their problem if the author is using misleading titles!

        • Alex June 18, 2015 11:58 am

          I guess people who reads full article before sharing will be extinct soon as well.
          I came across the article from a link shared on Facebook, the title was interesting and grabbed my attention and that’s why I read the whole thing, I find it very smart (when it comes to misleading this was way better than 99% of all the major lebanese websites).

          Cheers

          • Alex June 18, 2015 12:01 pm

            who read*

          • theboss June 18, 2015 3:00 pm

            Thank you both for the feedback. Actually I hate misleading titles myself, I even wrote about it once.

            However I do allow myself to do that for two reasons, 1 the fact that this is satire and thus have to write about one topic while implying another, 2 the fact that the hidden message is an important and alarming topic and not some gossip about a celebrity with a bad boob job.

            Anyway, this blog is only 1 year old so will always try to take your comments and improve on the style of writing, so thanks again 🙂

          • Alaa June 19, 2015 1:50 pm

            THANK YOU! All lebanese (and non-Lebanese) “mainly news” websites have misleading titles to tell you about say this artist who died, only to realize she only died in her coming new feature. How about we criticize the other official media.

            I loved the sarcasm in the article. The misleading title lead me to actually read it. And it is not the writer’s problem if there are those who expect to know the full story from a title.

  3. Harout June 18, 2015 3:43 am

    Abused the title and very long attention grabber to deliver the main idea.

  4. Rocca June 18, 2015 9:29 am

    excellent! as satirical as satire goes. loved it!

  5. Eliane! June 18, 2015 2:54 pm

    this is so lame! I wasted 1 minute of my life in this bullshit

    • Elie June 19, 2015 12:52 pm

      And another minute to write this. You’re running out of minutes fast!

      • Elias June 19, 2015 1:04 pm

        Hahaha well said Elie

  6. Christine June 19, 2015 4:51 am

    hahahahahahahhaha

  7. ramzi June 19, 2015 11:04 am

    Well done. True and interesting angle. I liked it and I enjoyed being tricked by a headline for once. Keep it up.

  8. Anonymous June 20, 2015 10:22 am

    I clicked on this thinking it was some interesting article about real archeological discoveries, but to my surprise it’s just a lame article by the typical know-it-all lebanese who thinks he understands how the world works better than everyone else and uses sarcasm to appear clever.

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